you know how sometimes you want things to be happy but they just….aren’t?

A month passes and still Thomas stays. After six weeks John gives in. He tells Thomas that he’ll accompany Thomas back to Georgia. The journey takes weeks. Weeks of stony, uncomfortable silences. John had long since lost his gift of gab and even had he not, he has very little to say to the man who has everything John wants. By the time they reach James and Thomas’s cabin, John is exhausted in body and soul. His mind unable to rest at night while his body tries to sleep. His dreams filled with images of James, memories of them together. The ache that lies deep within him that he’d managed to start closing, has been ripped open and laid bare by Thomas’s insistence that he see James one last time.

Thomas hadn’t actually been wrong. There is so much that had been left unsaid and undone between himself and James. So many things that John wishes he could have voiced, things he wishes he’d recognized then for what they were. He misses James in a way he’d never known it was possible to miss someone. The phantom pain in his leg has nothing on the pain that radiates through his entire body when he remembers the way James had smiled at him during their sparring sessions on the cliff. He’d never understood how important a single person could be. In his dreams he relives it all.

More than once Thomas has had to shake him awake from one nightmare or the other. The look of sympathy on his face tells John that his dreams haven’t been silent. In his dreams he begs for James’s forgiveness, bares his soul to the man he’d loved so completely that he’d failed to recognize it at first. How pitiful must he seem to Thomas, pining for a man he can never have?

last line meme

Tagged by @beneaththeblacksails thank you darling.

What is this sentence that you speak of?????

“You’re no longer my security detail.” John can feel himself smile, all teeth and eyes.

“Yes, and.” James crosses his arms over his chest and it does absolutely nothing to dissuade John. His arms are huge, packed with muscle, covered in a fine layer of blond hair and the most delicious freckles John has ever seen. John jerks his eyes back up to James’s face.

“Well I thought now that you’re no longer working directly for me, that we could, you know…” John trails off, hand motioning between them.

“We could what? Ride off into the sunset? Fuck’s sake, John that’s not even remotely possible.”

The only thing John hears is his name, not sir, John. He can feel giddiness creeping in. He steps closer and James steps back, a caged looked on his face. “Why, exactly are we not possible?”

“Starting with you being the President and ending with me being active duty?”

“I see. DADT is still repealed, correct?” James rolls his eyes and nods once, “Are men on active duty not allowed to have relationships? Because you see as the unmarried President of these United States, I’m most certainly allowed to have a relationship. In fact, I’ve actually been encouraged to have one.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

John runs his finger down James’s forearm, their eyes catch and hold and as much as James would like to pretend he’s unaffected, John sees a flare of interest before it’s quickly tamped down and James puts his arms behind his back out of John’s reach, “You are absolutely infuriating. Will you ever learn to take no for an answer?”

John feels hope swell inside him as James’s eyes drop to John’s mouth, his pupils enlarging as John licks his bottom lip. In all the words that James has said since they’ve entered this locker room, not a single one was, I don’t want you.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” James asks nervously.

John takes another step closer, this one bringing them nearly into contact, and James has nowhere left to go. At this point he’d have to step around John and over a bench to evade him further, “Because infuriated is a very strong feeling.” John reaches out and puts his hand in the middle of James’s bare abdomen. He feels the muscles quiver under his touch, he hears the sharp intake of breath, and when he looks up, James’s eyes are hot and dark. John swallows thickly and moves his hand slowly up James’s stomach, up his chest, over his shoulder, through the hair at the back of James’s neck until his fingers are cradling James’s skull. James’s eyes flutter closed briefly, his lips part with a puff of breath as John tightens his fingers in James’s hair. With the barest hint of pressure he pulls James’s head down until their lips are only millimeters apart. He can feel James’s breath fan out over his cheek and it makes him shiver before whispering, “Kiss me.”

tagging @crucifythenburn @old-long-john @iwt-v

“You can’t see it yet, can you? You are not alone.”

silverflintdaily:

“His humanity asserts itself when it is grasping for relationships with other human beings. He starts in a place of having lost Thomas Hamilton, who was very meaningful to him, and then having lost Miranda in such an awful way that he feels alone. Part of the journey in season three is finding a new person that he feels he can be vulnerable with and understood by, and it comes from a surprising direction.”

Robert Levine Co-Creator/Executive Producer of Black Sails

“The thing Flint doesn’t have in season three that he’s always had is a partner. Part of the arc of the season for us was about him really flailing alone and not having anyone to have that human experience with. [We liked] him finding John Silver and having that become the person with whom he’s able to emerge from this awful experience he’s having

Jonathan E. Steinberg Co-Creator/Executive Producer of Black Sails

Flint’s last dream, he is finally standing face to face with his own conception of death. […] Flint is reaching a moment in which he is feeling some awareness that being alone is death, and that Miranda’s last guidance for him is to remind him that he is not alone.

— Jonathan E. Steinberg Co-Creator/Executive Producer of Black Sails

Thank you… for opening that door.

— James Flint to John Silver, Black Sails 3×05

When I was drowning over Miranda… you helped me find my way out.

— James Flint to John Silver, Black Sails 4×07

When my grandfather died in 1997 we planted these two trees. Every year they turn this gorgeous color and it makes me cry every single time because he would have loved them.

turtletot43:

primal–scream:

@turtletot43 That would be my worst nightmare and the best wet dream all at one time. I’ve got such a hard on for Marines. I have no reason or excuse, it just is what it is and I’ve just learned to accept it. LOL.

@beneaththeblacksails Listen, Kat, I stared his ass down like I haven’t been to the grocery store in a month. Luckily we were in traffic, i was forced to behave.

@ellelan Giiiiiiirl, unf, his hair was a wreck, wind blown and he’d obviously been working outside and just *grabby hands* It was one of those kicks to the gut where i TOTALLY understand you if you get what i mean. 😉

I was a Marine, so trust me you don’t need an excuse haha. I’m lucky I’m on an air station and not one of the big division bases, because I’d just be a mess all the time. All that testosterone and aggression in one place. Shit is unreal.

Sounds divine. I’ve lived next to AMC my whole life so you’d think I’d have more of a thing for flyboys, but nope. Although i do love the roar of a jet engine and they do look damn good striding around in their flight suits like they own damn world.

@arzani-fuchsia Welllllll, we were in slow moving traffic annnnnnnd I am already married. LOL

But that doesn’t stop me from still feeling that pull sometimes and whatever it is that makes my lizard brain, sit up, turn over and heel, he had it. LOL. Which is super fucking rare where I’m concerned.